Why do we get in our own way?

Pain was the instigator. It's where I started with all of this, because I couldn't get out of my own way. Sometimes, I still catch myself "No Tine, NO. That is not the way to do things." And I see it in so many people: they don't understand why they do what they do, despite at times knowing better. Why they can start a gym programme, or know exactly how to take better care of their health, and still not keep to it.

It shows up in the small things first. The coffee in the wrong mug and all hell has broken loose.. The couple who fight because she is exhausted by the constant internal battle she can't quite figure out or because he feels ashamed for not feeling fit and strong. These seemingly small things are so underestimated, yet they are so powerful. For the same reason someone says; "Lots of people feel like that". Yes but do you think the fight is because of how they feel or the fear at not being able to say it to one another out loud? Your partner tells you they feel shame for hurting wouldn't that invite an open discussion about how then to move forward? Because it's never about the mug or waking at 3am or feeling exasperated by ordinary kitchen smells that are an offence to the air we breathe.

It's what it all represents. And they all represent something we simply can't seem to say out loud or don't know how to put into words. That to admit we have any type of failing whatsoever would be inhuman, or to ask for some help because guess what? No one has it all together. Or all figured out for that matter.

If this whole thing were a game and you were watching yourself play it, what would you notice?

I want to show you that they are all cycles. Long standing complex pain is one of them and they repeat until you actively do something to change them. Change them and you change everything, even by starting small.

Your body can do a great deal automatically, without you ever having to think about it. Sometimes that's exactly the point at which you need to ask yourself: is what I've been doing really helping me? Or am I too afraid to really try, because of what that might mean? Will other things, or other people, my lifestyle or career choices no longer fit? Will I have to make changes? Inevitably that is the point. And that is not easy. I don't mean suddenly do a life pivot but you are allowed to change. I often see people who simply want permission. I am not the one to give it. You are. Only you can. Otherwise you seek it everywhere and find it nowhere. It's a simple truth not a riddle.

Every athlete at the top of their sport will tell you that adjustments, resets and recovery are essential if you want to last and stay injury-free. (1) It doesn't mean nothing will ever happen. It means you can't expect your body to keep going the way you want without what it needs to work and feel good: nourishment, movement, sleep and recovery. They aren't optional. Run the car lap after lap with no pit stop and the brakes decide that won't do at all. That isn't a failing, it's physics. (2)

Somewhere along the way, many of us came to believe we'd be respected for being the last one standing. If we just give a little more, do a little better. Work a bit harder. Don't say what we truly feel. Say Yes when it's No. Say you can when you really can't afford to. You're not a cat - you don't have nine lives. I've seen it so many times. So who are you doing this all for? Burning yourself to the ground helps no one and handing the cost to someone else doesn't make it go away.

If this sounds like you Shift the Field is where we start. Your new home companion.

Not ready yet? Listen to the Shift the Field podcast, or follow along on Instagram @amdtherapie.

References

1. Milewski MD et al. Chronic lack of sleep is associated with increased sports injuries in adolescent athletes. Journal of Pediatric Orthopaedics, 2014;34(2):129–133. Athletes sleeping under eight hours a night were about 1.7 times more likely to be injured.

2. McEwen BS. Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators. New England Journal of Medicine, 1998;338(3):171–179.